(On a rainy December day, my alarm rings at 5:50 am to prep for school. I wake up on the wrong side of the bed. I’ve been feeling sad and frustrated for reasons that I won’t go into now. As okay as it is not to be okay, I didn’t appreciate nor accept my feelings. Twirling around in bed, feeling drained and exhausted, I look outside and gaze at the grey skies. It didn’t even feel like morning time. The first thing I do is pick up my phone and cancel my training session. I don’t want to train, nor meditate, or do yoga. I know it helps, but I just don’t want to. My mind is failing me and my body is following. I want to hide.
I’ve been fighting a situation I have little control over. I am not letting things be. A few more weeks go by, and as expected, my mental state becomes worse, and frustration turns into anger and resentment. I feel like I’m going around in circles, not finding my way out, piling up more negativity onto myself, until I can’t even remember why I developed those feelings in the first place.)
So many things don’t go as we expect from life. And when they don’t, sadness & frustration happen, and the rest follows. Have you been there and felt the same, as if you’re locked? Like it’s an ongoing daily battle with life? Have you felt like what you’re going through will never end?
Bear with me, this won’t be as gloomy as it seems.
In fact, we all experience periods when we feel lost & powerless. We fight, defy, and try to hold on like a boat in a storm anxiously pushing for the sun to rise again. And, eventually, from wounded hearts, to struggles of everyday life, to global pandemics, injustice, and collapses, all the way to a few broken personal dreams here & there, the sun does rise. Its rays may not shine through as vividly as expected, but they do shine.
We can learn to accept the impermanent aspect of life, whether emotions, thoughts, or people. Doing that helped me get myself out of negative mental states and stop controlling the present moment. I constantly remind myself that, just like happy moments pass by in a blink of an eye, pain and suffering also do (even if the perception of time is much slower).
We can also learn to deeply believe that if we let life be (in its ups & downs), and do whatever is possible to change only what we can control, its river flows calmer.
Yes, I fall back sometimes, just like the short descriptive story I started with, which happened not too long ago. I was trying to control a reality in my personal life, worrying and making up scenarios in my head, blaming life and whatever I can’t control for my state. And every time that happens, I take myself back to basics: The realization that “this too shall pass”. This is a realization that shifts perspectives, and yes, no state is everlasting, even the most joyful of states. We just need to try to flow with life and let it to take its course.
It does take effort, persistence, and courage to learn how to allow things to unfold, and play the role of the watcher over your mind and emotions. And to all of you trying, I salute you. As much as it may be worrying, uncertainty is an aspect of life. We can still help each other feel less alone and navigate our ways through our journeys.
“Life is a series of natural and spontaneous changes. Don’t resist them — that only creates sorrow. Let reality be reality. Let things flow naturally forward in whatever way they like.” — Lao Tzu