I am really an average citizen… Not politicized but rather nationalized. I’ve always believed that I would do any humanly possible thing for the love of my Lebanon and my son, to give him a home he can safely live in with dignity. 

Thursday October 17th, 2019 was a turning point in my life and like many of us, I went drastically out of my way and revolted for change. I left my house, argued with my parents and friends, sacrificed my income, career, mental health and my wellness to take the streets.

It was emotional, charged with passion and love for my country. I felt alive like never before and dedicated my page to the revolution.

Did my hope dim down months later? Yes, it did.

I felt like a failure, I felt helpless while watching the country sink deeper into the abyss. I was traumatized, disappointed. And as much as I chose to look at the bright side, at the people I trust and admire around me, the fighters, I couldn’t draw a positive outlook. Stories of inflated egos, distorted lines of thought and focus, and thirst for seats among a few that managed to make the loudest noise used to discourage me even more! I used to have surges of hope, guilt, failure, some due to determination and others because of regret. A rollercoaster full of emotions used to hit me every couple of weeks.

I stepped back, dissociating from reality, and accepted that I needed to move on. Maybe, it was no longer my time to fight.

Fast-forward a few months later, in February 2022, my involvement in several opposition groups showed me signs of hope. Change was taking the shape of unified electoral lists and a couple of weeks ago, I started seeing beautiful faces on my social media platforms and in the streets. I started seeing our candidates, the people who could actually represent us and bring/take the revolution into parliament.

Maybe, I could raise my voice again for them, for us all… Maybe we could actually crack the screwed-up electoral system and break our way in.

I must admit, I didn’t manage to dive into the details of all the candidates, however, I really cared for ONE THING: “They can protect me, they can raise my voice, they believe in what October 17th is about when it started…”

Let’s do this!

The past weeks brought me back to moments of glory and excitement, and others of worry and doubt. My iPhone made sure to bring up memories from the revolution, from the explosion, and from my summoning… Then it started feeling like the second half of 2020, as if 2021 didn’t exist, as if we were back there on the streets, breaking our way through the walls of shame.

I was really rising again without overpromising myself much. Hell, I didn’t promise myself anything at all. No expectations, just a leap of faith that was not discouraged by monstrous and heavily paid campaigns, media power or money, nor blinded followers of old sectarian parties.

I regained my faith that our people will rise to the challenge, that they will be the voice of justice!

The diaspora made all the difference, they made my tears trickle down throughout that Sunday the 8^th of May 2022. They rose before us, standing tall and firm against the system and its leaders. They were forced to leave their land and loved ones, but they were determined to #voteforchange despite all the hurdles that came up and the odds that played against them. It was exceptional.

And since then, I have been high. High on hope, emotions and focus on the goal.

I went vocal again after being silent for so long. The time had come, despite the disagreements on who’s with who from the opposition and the claims that we were not unified, despite the heavy campaigns against our candidates, and those who asked their people to abstain from voting and, wait for it… despite the Lebanese that bring you down by saying “Lashu, ma fi amal, ma t3azzbo 7alkon” or “ma fi 7adan 3ejebne men l mrasha7een”

A tornado started and swept me and so many others away into the wave of change after months of being away. We could all feel it. There was immense exhaustion in the country, combined with anger and adrenaline being channeled into a huge chance for change. The tornado grew even bigger when we came closer to May 15th, with long sleepless nights, charged emotional and mental states, anticipation, tired bodies, drained brains… But it was all worth it!

Call me too spiritual, but the full moon made a difference. It was a special moon, with an eclipse through parts of the night. Its theme was the death of old patterns and the rise of new beginnings to the surface as per my holistic Medicine Doctor. Winds were so strong, it felt to me that they were cracking parts of the old system, pulling leaders out of their seats to inject revolutionary blood.

I didn’t know how I felt Sunday evening, even when results started coming out positively. I was very disappointed with the voter turnout. I had believed that everyone still had faith, was fed up, and that nothing would stop them from acting on their rights for change… But it wasn’t the case. Around 49% only did, which to me felt like we were abandoned by a good 30% who just didn’t believe or care enough.

I was numb, quiet, and I kept waiting like we all did as the skies started turning brighter, the smiles wider, the names of changemakers higher and our voices louder and louder.

We did it! A count of MPs much bigger than I ever thought is TODAY inside the parliament. They are our revolution front-liners, the ones who will not be silenced, the changemakers (& unfortunately who will being taking the heavy hits from “whoever wants them down”).

I cried Tuesday night throughout Wednesday without knowing why. Tears just fell down my face for 24 hours. I was exhausted, ecstatically happy but very scared for them, worried about what’s coming and proud of what we had achieved despite the no-shows. I was confused as to “what happened, how did it happen, what are we going to do, can they handle the pressure?? Will we be okay in their hands?” So many questions… so much anticipation and crossed fingers….

But the overshadowing feeling was this:

“How can we protect them, so they can protect us?”

Based on past experiences with the current government, the people and even within opposition groups, attacks were heavy… Digging in their pasts, a load of resentment, smearing campaigns, jealousy, and a nauseating over-involvement in details while the country is sinking in darkness.

A week has passed, and I can confirm that what I had expected did happen. I see gossip and bad-mouthing from people within the opposition as they share tweets and news about their less admirable MPs (à la “bayye a2wa men bayyak). I am witnessing sleezy media here and there trying to place them under the spotlight, to corner them and expose any vulnerability they can possibly find. I am coming across planned smearing campaigns from the governments’ toys and a few losers… And it pains me again!

I mean, seriously!

These MPs do not have decade-old parties backing them up, nor international support, nor do they have millions of dollars on their hands for them to dedicate their time for the country and forget about their careers, nor they have been doing this for the past 30 years.

They are raw! Real! And their power comes from us, the people of October 17^th who voted for them!

We put them out there, we trusted them and worked for their wins. We have this chance to rise to the challenge and be their backbones. We need to protect them with our words or sometimes with silence or a smile. We need to make sure they join forces and come closer together into one powerful superhero that we can feel safe around.

This is what we can do today, we can be their guiding light and help them find their way through the darkness.

Dear MPs of change:

I promise to protect you with every power I have, with my motherly fierce instinct against the spread of rumors, attacks, false information, and smearing, against whoever tries to break you or bring you down.

I will keep doing it on one condition: that you hold your promises, and the flame of the revolution and justice and move forward with steady steps towards reform, side by side, without looking back or allowing any noise to distract you.

I understand that the pressure is high, and almost unbearable, but I am by your side.

I understand that the change you will manage to create might not be drastic today but it’s a series of small steps.

Don’t give up, and don’t disappoint me and my people.

And I promise that I will protect you, so you can protect me.